I used to be very stuck in the negative. I saw myself as a victim to the depression that would often crash into my marriage. At first I took that depression personally, that it was something I had done or would do that would keep it coming back.
Then I began to realize that it wasn’t my fault and it wasn’t my husband’s fault it just was. We would do our best to avoid the triggers and to have healthy practices, but it just kept coming back.
And I found myself getting angry at God and life in general because I was only seeing what I didn’t have and what I felt couldn’t be. And I trapped myself. Now all of us here know that mental illness in the mix can be painful and can mean changing plans, and supporting in ways we never thought we’d need to…
But what I’ve learned this past year is that I am only as limited as I choose to limit myself. Are there still going to be painful days? Yes, most definitely yes. Do normal things like car troubles feel like they bring a world of woes? Yes!
But I have learned that I have a choice. I have learned that as I care about what I think and what I feel I see myself as more than solely a supporter That as I start loving myself, for myself, not just as the person who supports myself, my life doesn’t feel so limiting.
I used to be afraid to dream because where I was felt so very far away from any goal I would set. If my husband and I could go days without speaking to each other, if I was always going to family get-togethers alone, if just assisting with homework felt like a monumental task, then how in the world was I going to be able to run my own business and help other individuals facing the things I was, let alone dreaming glorious dreams about travel and writing a book?
And then I realized, I was focused too far down the road. Dreaming and trying new things wasn’t about making grandiose changes. It was about choosing one thing I could change. It was choosing one little tweak that would have me putting myself first or showing myself that I mattered.
We are already on a path to become something we already dream about, if God has placed it in your heart, than you are already that person, it is simply a matter of uncovering who that person is and letting go of old thoughts that have held you back. It isn’t about spanning ginormous gaps, it is about making tiny changes that reveal who you have been all along.
So I ask you, what is one thing you can do today to show yourself that you matter? What is one thing you can do to show yourself a little extra love?
For me, each day I take time out and let Heavenly Father give me a hug. I chose Heavenly Father because I know He loves me unconditionally and He can teach me how much He values me. If Heavenly Father seems a bit out of reach I invite you to think of someone who exudes love for you and take a moment today and imagine them giving you a hug.
Let yourself feel loved. Because we all need love and we all long to be seen and a hug is a powerful way to do both (especially if your spouse isn’t in a place where they can do it right now).
Lots of Love,
Alison
P.S. If you loved this information check out my YouTube channel for more great tips: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-fkzX-PBCfmFPOqnHQqjnQ
And here’s a bonus video about me learning how to manage invitations: https://youtu.be/Z-aQSpYcp5Q
Alison Fabricius Gardner
Empowering Lower Lights!
